Here I want to focus on three attributes of maturity I believe are particularly relevant to the stewardship of freedom:
– self-lessness
– self-control
– self-awareness
Although I’m going to look at them individually they are linked.
Selflessness
Arguably one of the most obvious hallmarks of immaturity is selfishness. A baby is possibly the epitome of selfishness. It has no concept of the needs of others and is completely focused on its own needs. It doesn’t use language to communicate it uses behaviour – I’m hungry, I scream, you feed me, I don’t care about you or your needs, the world revolves around me. Clearly this is normal and acceptable behaviour in a baby but over time the goal of parenthood is to nurture maturity that helps that baby as it grows through childhood to understand the whole world doesn’t revolve around him or her and the importance of paying attention to the needs of others; to communicate with words not behaviour.
Self-control
Freedom isn’t just shaped by love, its shaped by self-control which I define as me managing my behaviour based on my values as opposed to what’s going on in me or around me.
Self-awareness
In the world of leadership and management the concept of emotional intelligence is well understood. I guess to some extent this entire post is linked to that concept. At the heart of the concept of emotional intelligence is self awareness. If you want to know more about emotional intelligence I’d recommend one of Goleman’s books
In my experience as a leader and manager in business for over 20 years I’d say that self-awareness is one of the most important attributes of leadership and keys of personal growth. In mentoring leaders and helping individual contributors to grow, self awareness is one of the first places I go.
In business there is a widely held principle that says “you can’t manage what you can’t see”. If the goal is to manage yourself (self-control) then you can’t manage what you are not aware of. So my thesis is self awareness is a prerequisite for self control. In that sense emotional intelligence is the key to responding not reacting, the subject of a previous post.
So what is self awareness? In this context I’d define it as you being aware of the impact you being you has on the people around to the extent that you are able to manage yourself. (Strictly speaking this isn’t how the emotional intelligence experts define it.)
I suspect we all know people who have no idea about the effect they have on people around them! In other words lack self awareness. Think about how you respond:
– If possible avoid them.
– Put up with them in small doses.
– Have to spend loads of time with them and have them drive you to distraction.
– Love them enough to give them feedback (my personal favourite)
For our own growth and the health of the teams within which we work, it is important that we commit to the process of increasing our selflessness, self-control and self-awareness.
